There is a great line from a song by Christian artist Brandon Heath: “I'm not who I was.” I feel like that could be my life title in so many ways. Recently, it's hit me in a somewhat funny way. Those of you who didn't know me as a child or teen ager may have a difficult time believing this, but I was terribly shy unless I knew someone very well. I never spoke out in a group and seldom let my opinions be known. However, about the time I turned 25, that all changed. There were many events that happened at that time, but all I will say for now is that I woke up- for the first time.
The funny thing about it is that many times, I just can't keep silent! The other Sunday it was hitting me particularly hard. My poor Life Group (Sunday School) teacher hadn't had me in the room 2 minutes before I felt I had to interject something. After the third comment, I decided to try and keep silent.
I think that lasted about seven minutes. (And mostly because he was on a roll.)
I kept thinking of that verse in Psalms where David said , “When I kept silent, my bones became brittle from my groaning all day long.” (Psalm 32:3) I know in that verse David was talking about unconfessed sins before the Lord, but that's how I felt! I just get so excited about the Word of the Lord and what He has been teaching and showing me, that if I try and keep it in, my bones hurt. The awful thing is that I annoy myself!
I was relieved to go to worship service to finally keep myself quiet. However, the worship leader for that day told us that he was going to ask the congregation to speak a word about what the Lord meant to them and that the choir was welcome to comment as well. I steeled my tongue. When the time came, I was chomping at the bit, but waited. When finally I could contain it no more, I told the Lord that if they asked for one more person, I would speak. Luckily, they didn't. However, later on when talking with my husband, he said he could tell I was about to burst. I just can't get away from it!
I am not saying that the Lord is speaking through me, but when I have managed to keep silent if something comes to mind, I often feel chastised later by God for not having spoke it. Over the last few years, I've tried to discern the times to speak and the times to keep silent, and I think I have found a healthy balance.
It just cracks me up to think about how different of a person I am. Inside I am shy, insecure, don't like to be noticed, and feel I have little to offer. I love to do little things where no one has to know who I am. Yet the Lord has me working with women at the church, singing in the choir, teaching Bible studies and now writing!
Praise to God that He has chosen me – this foolish, weak, insignificant, and despised thing – to glorify Him!
1 Corinthians 1:27-29, 31b
“Instead, God has chosen the world's foolish things to shame the wise, and God has chosen the world's weak things to shame the strong. God has chosen the world's insignificant and despised things – the things viewed as nothing – so He might bring to nothing the things that are view as something, so that no one can boast in His presence.... The one who boasts must boast in the Lord.”
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